The BCC Writing Lab Series

presents

Who You Are: Writing an Effective Personal Statement

What is a personal statement?
A personal statement is a brief (usually 2-3 pages, double-spaced) essay that describes your personal background, interests, academic achievements and future goals to a university admissions or scholarship committee. When a college asks for an essay or personal statement, you have an opportunity to show off your personality and talents. The essay is your chance to express your creativity, motivation, personality and values.

Why do universities or benefactors require personal statements?
In addition to your grades and transcripts, a written essay can paint a more vivid portrait of who you are. You have a chance to demonstrate and describe talents not shown by your grades alone.

By emphasizing writing and thinking skills, the university demonstrates that its goal is not only to encourage your academic achievement, but also development of your critical thinking abilities. A compelling personal statement can distinguish you as a student who will be engaged in the university community, especially if your test scores and grades alone put you in the "maybe" category for admission.

What should you write about?

• Experiences – Describe your cultural awareness and how it will be an asset to the university community.

• Challenges and hardships – Describe how any learning disabilities or personal demands, such as working to support your family, have affected your academics. Give explanations for gray areas in your transcripts, such as withdrawing for a quarter due to a personal or family crisis.

• Interests – Don’t simply give a long list of activities you've participated in. Do demonstrate that you consistently contributed and committed to just a few activities. Describe commitments made to your school, religious and community activities.

Step 1: Brainstorm
Before you start writing, think about your subject matter. You should allow 3-4 weeks to complete the essay. When you start brainstorming, consider the following questions:

•What are your major successes? What is your definition of success?

•What are your dreams for the future? How does college fit into your plans?

•What personality trait or skill distinguishes you from everyone else?

•What are your favorite books, movies and music? How do they influence your life?

•What is a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you?

•What is an issue of personal, local or national concern that is highly important to you?

•When do you feel the most alive and why?

•If you invited people from all parts of your life into the same room, what is one thing they would all agree you are good at?

•Are you interested in any kind of art (music, painting, writing, photography, gardening, etc.)? What is it about the process of creating that form of art that you like?

• What future job, if you could get it, would keep you awake from excitement the night before? What is it about that job that would cause so much excitement in you?

•What are you doing when you have the most regard for yourself? How will that activity/trait/belief help you succeed in the future?

•Is there something that you think other people don’t see in you…a deep desire to contribute something? A hidden talent?

Brainstorming gives you a chance to develop a theme or topic you feel passionate about. Your essay will stand out if you write vividly about your experiences. Use brainstorming to include concrete nouns and details that relate to your senses. How did it look? Feel? Smell? Sound?

Step 2: Choose a Topic
After brainstorming, you should be ready to choose a topic. Most colleges suggest two or three topics and ask you to choose one. Focus on what's important to you: choose a topic that excites you and that you have strong feelings about.

Explain how you are different from everybody else. If you have strong opinions about your topic, express them in your essay. Don't be afraid of controversy. Instead, be honest and write what you believe. No matter what you choose to write about, the essay should say something about who you are, what you value, how you think and what you hope to accomplish.

Step 3: Compose a First Draft
The purpose of your personal statement is to convince admission counselors that you will be an asset to the university. Instead of developing and supporting ideas, your goal is to present your readers with mental images of how and why you will be a successful student at the college.

• Introduction – Use your introduction to grab attention. Admission officers spend 1-2 minutes reading an essay. Start with a concrete image of you or of an experience that gets readers’ attention and keeps them reading.

• Body paragraphs – Introduce new “snapshots” of you, your experience, or your interests in a logical sequence. Lengthy transitions are not necessary, as long as the images are generally connected.

• Conclusion – The closing paragraphs give you one last chance to leave a strong, persuasive image of you contributing to the university’s community or achieving your long-term goal. Unlike a traditional essay, you don’t need to summarize ideas, but instead focus on leaving a positive impression.

Step 4: Revise and Edit

Get feedback – Teachers, friends and parents will readily give their opinions about your essay and the overall tone. Get a variety of reactions before deciding how to revise your essay.

Revise your essay – After you've finished a draft, take a break - a couple of days - before you begin to revise. You need to take a fresh look at the essay. Does it reveal who you are? Is it your best writing? Does it sound like you? Does it say what you want it to say?

Revision Tips

1. Vary sentence length and structure within paragraphs.

2. Look for clear transitions between paragraphs. Transitions connect ideas.

3. Ask a friend to read your essay and see if your ideas are clear and flow smoothly.

4. Use active, not passive verbs. For example, don't write, "A decision was made." Instead, write, "Under my leadership, we decided..."

5. Minimize use of the pronoun "I." The essay needs to be personal, but using another word as the subject of the sentence will help to vary your sentences. Use "my" to describe things you have done.

6. Watch your tone. Present yourself as confident but not arrogant, successful but not a know-it-all.

7. Add details! For example, instead of noting that you've been "in various leadership positions," explain how you talked the Student Activities Center into hosting an international dinner. Use concrete examples of the projects you helped coordinate and what you learned from the experience.

© 2005, Bellevue Community College Writing Lab. Prepared by Ruth Becke.