The Years in Your Ears - Sept 1951
Yeah, just a little off the sides, and even it out on top.
Would you look at that outside! I almost forgot what rain looks like. What'd they say, that it was somethin' like 90 straight days without rain this summer. That must be the longest dry spell since prohibition! Ha!
Oh, could you trim a little of that stuff in my ears for me. HEY! Slick! C'mon in, pal, and take a load off! What'd you do, decide to stop on by for a wax and simonize? You can hop in the hot seat after I'm done gettin' my ears lowered. But before you sit down to wait, you gotta promise me, no more talk about the bridge.
Y'see, I meet up with Slick about a week ago for a nice game of checkers, and I no sooner get there, and he goes off on that hare-brained plan for a tube under the lake. Yeesh! Isn't one bridge enough, without a tube for everyone to spill over here in? What happened here? When we had the ferry, life was so much easier. We get one bridge, and what happens? We're now the fourth largest city in the state. Ain't that a pip?
What is it now, 5000 people? Y'know, back when we were about half that size, people would talk about hunting or fishing or something ... y'know, civilized things. Now, everyone's talking about things like tunnels under the lake, commies droppin' bombs on our heads, and whether we need a city manager or not. What are we comin' to here?
Look at that group up in Juanita. They found people buyin' hooch with their welfare checks. Now, is this the HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!!! WHAT'S CAUSIN' THAT RACKET??? OWWW!!! What the ... Hey, I'm bleedin' here.
Yeah, I know I jerked my head, but it was that damn hot rodder out there. Gimme some towels will ya? Y'see, this is exactly what I'm talkin' about. How many years have I been gettin' my hair cut without a casualty? They build a bridge, everyone and their uncle decides to move here, you get more kids that act like hooligans, and my ear gets cut. What's next?
I never had a car at that age. Now, y'get 600 kids in the high school, and what happens? They gotta build a new parking lot down near the ruins of the ferry dock so's they and everyone else can gawk at each other's cars. People used to drive down there to leave the city, now they go down there just to rev their engines and make my life a livin' Hell. Shoot, I've been drivin' the same Ford for almost 20 years, so I know that parking lot isn't being built for my benefit.
And y'know who pays for all these bridges, tunnels and parking lots. You, me, Slick ... everyone! I didn't ask for this. I've got enough things to pay for. My wife wanted one of them pushbutton electric stoves, and BANG! I kiss $300 goodbye. $300! For a stove!
What's that Slick? Oh. Money to burn. Ha. Ha. You're a regular comedian. You should be on the radio.
Well, it looks like we're done here. Hooboy! I look 20 years younger! You're next Slick. Jump on up here. Whaddaya mean you wanna wait until he sweeps up around the chair. Jeez Slick, is that all you can do is complain?
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Alan J Stein